Compulsive Lying and Borderline Personality Disorder

BPD and Compulsive LyingPeople with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) often have trouble relating to other people, causing instability in their interpersonal relationships. If you have BPD, you may feel as though you need to secure extra assurance from others to help you maintain your relationships, which can result in the impulse to lie.

Compulsive lying, or mythomania, can be common in people with Borderline Personality Disorder. This is because people with BPD are often very afraid of abandonment and disapproval, and will do whatever it takes to make sure neither of those things happens.

If you have Borderline Personality Disorder and have been at fault, perhaps for a car accident or mishap at work, you may have tried to pass the buck or rationalize the mistake while you are desperately trying to avoid being viewed in a negative light.

Many Shades of Lies

Manipulation can take many forms. You might think of compulsive lying as the fabrication of elaborate stories that are easily debunked and taken to be ridiculous among peers. However, compulsive liars can be much more subtle and trickier to figure out.

Are you or a loved one struggling with emotions that feel out of control? Have you been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)? No matter what type of treatment you need, Clearview Women’s Center can help. With residential, day, and outpatient programs, Clearview is proud to be one of the only Borderline Personality Disorder treatment centers in the country that offers a complete continuum of care.

Clearview’s experienced intake counselors will help determine which treatment options is best for you. A team of experts will put together an individualized treatment plan focused on your specific needs. Call (866) 756-8819 now or complete the form below to get started on your path to recovery.

If you have Borderline Personality Disorder with a habit of lying, you may have found that others have lost their trust in you by degrees instead of after one particular incident of dishonesty.

Some forms of lying prevalent in people with BPD include the following:

  • Faking a medical condition in order to reduce responsibility
  • Carrying on close personal or romantic relationships strictly for personal gain
  • Blaming tardiness on children, a faulty car, or other fictitious circumstances
  • Contributing imaginary information to a friendly conversation
  • Avoiding embarrassment by giving incorrect but convenient answers to simple questions (for example, telling someone you parked in the lot they told you about when in fact you couldn’t find the lot or forgot about it)

It’s All in Your Brain

The tendency to compulsively lie may be attributed to the structure of your brain. A recent study conducted at the University of Southern California (USC) shows that if you have a history of lying, your brain might actually be structured differently than that of a person who is generally honest.

White matter in the prefrontal cortex (the front part of your brain) is responsible for masterminding a lie, which includes weighing how the other party will respond and suppressing your own emotions to limit or eliminate the appearance of nervousness. Gray matter is the substance that curbs the impulse to lie to make things easier and holds people to their principles.

In the USC study, compulsive liars showed a higher percentage of white matter and a deficit of gray matter.

Is Honesty the Best Policy?

We uphold myths of George Washington confessing to chopping down the cherry tree and Abraham Lincoln walking miles to return something that didn’t belong to him as symbols of our cultural principles. While it is true that very few people go through life being completely honest —  and there are times when a fib can save lives or help children cope through difficult times — compulsive lying can ruin your career, relationships, sense of well-being, and self-esteem.

The key is to learn to tolerate the stress that being honest can bring on, particularly the uncertainty of whether the other person will still like you if you confess to the truth. For people with Borderline Personality Disorder, these are skills that can be worked on in therapy, especially with Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), which strengthens these very abilities.

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27 Responses to “Compulsive Lying and Borderline Personality Disorder”

  1. louis nornan 14. Feb, 2015 at 8:23 pm #

    My wife who has BPD could not help but lie. I was lied to before our marriage and all the way through it. She always complained that I did not trust her, I would respond, how can I trust you when all you do is lie. Then there’s the cheating. I found that unless caught red handed they will not confess to anything.

  2. Michael 04. Apr, 2015 at 4:02 pm #

    My unfortunate experience with a Bpd female is that they lie to everybody about everybody else.

    We’re not talking fibs, we’re talking real whopper, dangerous lies. This tends to turn the people they’re involved with against each other-partners, family, friends.

    They then stand back and let them argue it out between them, causing conflict which can even escalate into violence.

    They know exactly what they’re doing the whole time. Bpd’s are really nasty pieces of work and ive seen no evidence to show that they get significantly better with therapy or age.

    This one is now in her late 40’s and has actually got WORSE.

  3. Iveth 14. Apr, 2015 at 3:11 pm #

    This is very hard for me to write ! But the article described me to the tee I lie about everything even the dumbest things I have no reason too
    Example: a friend will ask what I ate for lunch if I had a sun I will say a taco or whatever I can’t help of control it it’s so difficult and overwhelming I have lost friends due to it 🙁 I am bipolar and finally decided to admit it and have an appointment next week to talk over my options with my doctor.

  4. non bpd 25. May, 2015 at 5:27 pm #

    My ex has BPD and I never knew. She lied all the time but would always cover those lies with other lies. She had been cheating on me and I didn’t know till after we divorced. I think they mistake a lot of facts with feelings. Anyways, glad to see sites like this putting info out there for codependent guys like me.

  5. Alice 27. May, 2015 at 8:08 pm #

    Do you forgive your wife knowing that she has this condition? Are you still married?

  6. N. Tibbetts 22. Jun, 2015 at 7:25 am #

    I am at such a loss for words…..My 32-year old daughter has BPD. She was diagnosed several years ago. She has sliced her body so deeply that stitches had to be done inside the wound and then outside. She is a compulsive liar, I can never believe anything she says. She is so troubled, so unhappy, I don’t know what to do. When I try to be the tiniest bit assertive or confront her, she does something physically that is devastating. She has cut so many places on her body, there is barely an empty spot. She has alcohol and drug abuse problems, more of the alcohol. She is on medications by a psychiatrist, but I don’t think she takes them properly. Lately, she has been having serious seizures that cause her to completely black out. It’s almost like, (and this sounds crazy) she enjoys seeing her blood everywhere. During the seizures, she clamps down on her tongue and this causes her to bleed tremendously. The “shock value” is devastating to me, I really love my daughter so much. I am scared that she is eventuallly going to accidentally do something to herself that is going to kill her. She has two beautiful boys, ages 8 and 3. Oddly, she is completely devoted to her sons, and tries to hide this entire illness from them. She is really a good mother, inspite of her illness. It is so hard for me to stand by and watch her self-destruct. I feel totally helpless. I am afraid that this “game” that she is playing now with seizures is going to do irreparable damage.

  7. Matt 19. Aug, 2015 at 6:23 am #

    I have bipolar I disorder and when I am manic I lie all the time but it is because I just gush everything out of my head like no tomorrow. Your head gets filled with so much and it’s a “let it all out” release thing with me. I find it embarrassing after that but it just happens and I never even know it or have control over it and in that state I also don’t care if I get caught in one and will just bully and intimidate people if confronted and I talk so much that it is pointless to bother.

  8. Cjo 01. Sep, 2015 at 1:39 pm #

    Louis, are you still married?. I’ve just found that my husband of 10 yrs suffers from this. I’m about to give up.

  9. LJ 18. Oct, 2015 at 1:24 am #

    I don’t think you can have a healthy marriage or relationship with someone with BPD. Unless they want to go to therapy and do it intensively, you should not put up with them. They might believe that they care for you, but factually they have almost no feelings of real empathy and guilt.

  10. Lynn Vaught 20. Oct, 2015 at 6:42 am #

    I have family members that have bpd. Lie so much i cant trust or believe anything they say.

  11. Emy 26. May, 2016 at 3:34 am #

    I doubt there is a link between lying and Bipolar – I have been diagnosed with Bipolar, and thus my ability to talk a lot and be impulsive, there is nothing I hate more than people lying. I sometimes exaggerate when expressing an opinion or something I experienced, but it’s more to frame my own experience or points of view and I would never deny if or when I am exaggerating.

    “exaggeration promotes understanding”

  12. tia matenga 10. Jun, 2016 at 2:53 am #

    Hi there. I’ve just realized that I have BPD. I have been lying to those who truly love AND care about me all my life. I have lied just cos it made me feel better, plus I’ve been hurt throughout the past relationships I’ve been in. But what truly hurts me the most is that my kids are now picking it up and I never took the time to speak about it until now. All I’m asking please is for some advice of how to beat this BPD. I’ve been keeping myself busy by doing some activities (i.e., walking, starting back at the gym and also thinking of going to course), but it’s also effecting my relationship with my partner, who I love the most. Please, if there is someone that suffers from this, please reply back. Any advice will do

  13. Jaymie 10. Jun, 2016 at 7:53 pm #

    I have BPD and lied a lot, sometimes still do. But I try very hard not to to my spouse. You CAN have healthy relationships, they just have to work at it and not blame their disorder. It’s difficult, I’ve done problematic things, but we work through it. Please don’t put a blanket label on this disorder when you don’t even have it.

  14. Borderline Personality Treatment 13. Jul, 2016 at 12:27 pm #

    Hi. You may want to reach out to the NEABPD for helpful resources near you. They can be found at

  15. Sue 15. Aug, 2016 at 7:26 am #

    I am at my wits end because my partner (whom I love dearly despite the difficulties) constantly lies. He has been diagnosed with MBPD. Being at the other other end of his behaviour has resulted in me being diagnosed with PTSD. He has assaulted me many times, is verbally abusive on a daily basis, he trivializes the impact on myself saying statements like “I just want it all to go away” rather than doing any reparation work regards building trust back. He has lied about even where he was living for six months (which turned out to be an ex-partner who he told me he had unprotected sex with prior to our relationship) He’s lied to his family, boss, friends and particularly to me. It hurts to the core. Promises are constantly made and broken. What’s particularly disturbing is that he believes his own lies more often than not, then will revert back to the truth based on facts rather than feelings. I’m wondering if it’s common for men with MBPD to not understand the huge stressors it causes to the partners, especially the negative impact of lying which destroys trust.

  16. Kieron 20. Mar, 2017 at 2:05 am #

    The mother of my child has bpd.biplar and adhd.lies are becoming dangerous as she is able to go undetected by low level services and has secured herself a safe zone by lying to the detriment of her kids.she has 5 and one is sick in hospital with withdrawal symptoms. 3 with the other dad with him and somehow nobody can piece her together, she believes her own very suggestable..a song comes on and im like ,’oh god!,here we go’,.she finds ways of not paying for her kids and stealing there money..protective lies so you cant act at the timw but only have little evidence…this is more serious then made out..these people are little less or equal to sociopaths…clear issues that affect kids.

  17. Elle 19. Apr, 2017 at 10:48 pm #

    My son has a baby with a mother who has
    BPD, our lives are virtually in ruins as I write. Constant lies, insinuations, stealing, initiating dramas on a daily basis. He has broken up with her twice. The first time she came up with a terminal diagnosis of cancer which had the desired effect…My son felt sorry for her and went back into the relationship. This has been the worst decision he would make. He broke up again finally a few weeks ago and now she is insinuating abuse & god only knows what else!?!?!? The really unfair thing about her illness….she can say and get away with anything, as we have no possible way to disprove the lies. 🙁 Also avoids mental health intervention like the plague, she is as obvious as the nose on your face but still very clever & sneaky.

  18. Tara 05. May, 2017 at 10:37 pm #

    I am in a blended family. My step son lies all the time. It is almost like he has 2 personalities. With his mother he is a junk food eating, Hates school, cusses, bully. But with his dad he proclaims he hates suger, loves school, cries about being bullied. 2 totally different kids. I am matried to dad and he is one way around his dad but when we are alone he is a real jerk. When I bring it up to dad he throws a fit and cries because I hate him so much. It is so frustrating. I think he cannot help but lie lie lie. I cannot teach him cause he will lie about our interactions. Everyone around him is so sold on fake personality. I just can’t believe what I am seeing. Any suggestions?

  19. Michaela 29. May, 2017 at 9:02 am #

    I understand people suffer from mental illness I do myself but I do not believe it is an excuse to be a nasty person or hurt others in fact I believe it should make you the opposite , I think everyone has the ability to recognise the difference between right and wrong and should make an effort to apologise if they have behaved inappropriately , mental health is a disorder not an excuse I feel to many people abuse mental health diagnosis to behave in any way they feel then blame it on mental health which isn’t doing much for stigma

  20. Mrs. I'm outta here 05. Jul, 2017 at 11:17 am #

    Life is too short…if you have a personality disordered spouse or partner that is wrecking havoc in you life…time to leave…finally for good…cut your losses like yesterday. Life is too short…seriously…

    Signed the wife-soon to be ex of a Malignant Narcissist with blended disorders syndrome.

  21. Cynthia Robinson 03. Aug, 2017 at 7:10 am #

    I have a 40 year old daughter who has been diagnosed with BPD & because of this it has torn my family apart! My 19 year old grandson became suicidal and was Baker acted in Florida. He spent two weeks in lockdown. I flew down to get him and bring him home to live with me in Massachusetts. It is the best thing that has happened to his life. After two weeks of being with him I am seeing my grandson return to being the person I know him to be. He is Bi Polar & his medication has caused him to become so even-keeled, he even recognizes the differences in his personality when he’s off his meds; he said to me this morning after an overnight @ his paternal grandpaents, I came home Gram so I could get my medication and I’m sorry because I’ve been up all night I didn’t have my meds the allow me to sleep. I don’t want to be that person that I become when I’m off my meds I don’t like who I am then. I am so grateful that my God has given me the strength to see this through and deal with it. I have learned that my daughter is a compulsive liar because of BPD and I am learning some of the horrible things that she has done to others including lying to the police to get my grandson’s father put in jail. The one thing I am totally grateful for is it all of this is coming for light now and I’m able to deal with it. My grandson and I are handling it together and it’s good that we have each other to do this. BPD is a horrible horrible condition when it’s left untreated.

  22. maxine 06. Sep, 2017 at 7:01 am #

    I have BPD but I don’t lie.


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